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Crack As A Goddess

By Toshiki Kojo

The crack on the north wall of our bedroom looks like a beautiful girl who I've been dreaming about since I was a junior high school boy. I talk to her, I mean, to the crack every morning before I leave for work and every evening when I come home. And I say good night every night. Yes, I've got a wife, who's still pretty for her age. Of course I still love her. But the crack is another thing. My wife is the reality, but the crack belongs to the realm of dreams. I can imagine whatever I want to do with her.

As a matter of fact, the crack is so small that you wouldn't notice if you look at the wall blankly. My wife hasn't noticed yet, I think. I always talk to the crack in my mind, not aloud, and of course she never replies. I haven't heard her voice yet, but I'm not dissatisfied at all. She always looks at me with her sweet smile. Yeah, she's my goddess. She smiles and stares at me even when my wife and I are making love. She smiles without any word, and I'm satisfied with this situation.

I often imagine that she and I are doing various sexual things. And I always feel guilty. No, not for my wife. She knows nothing about it. I feel guilty for the crack. She is my goddess. I feel guilty because I'm defiling my goddess. But my wife is pleased when I feel guilty. She can make love with me because when I feel guilty I feel horny at the same time and need to make love with her, not with the crack. I can't make love with a crack on the wall. Nobody can. If you do, it would be some kind of masturbation. You get the picture, don't you?

I don't know whether the crack is a favor or a mishap. Anyway, my wife is pleased. I whisper sweet things into my wife's ears in bed, but my words are actually to my goddess. I kiss and caress her instead of the goddess. Am I deceiving my wife? No, I don't think so. She knows nothing about it. Or does she know? Maybe I should feel guilty for her. At least I feel exhausted. Sometimes I think the crack is a favor for my wife, not for me. She is satisfied in bed almost every other night. And sometimes I doubt that my wife once hit or kicked the wall when she was mad at me and this made the crack on the wall. If this is the truth, maybe the crack is the curse on me by my wife. How long do you think this would last? Until I die of exhaustion? Or when my wife puts more curse on the wall and it tumbles down to me?

Toshiki Kojo ives in Tokyo, Japan, with his wife and many stuffed animals, such as dogs, elephants, pandas, and so on. He is one of the winners of 1998 The First Internet Bungei Shinjin Award in Japan. He mainly writes science fiction. Several magazines have carried his short stories and his work has been published in Japanese anthologies.


Photo "Lovers" courtesy of Dariusz Bargiel, Lodz, Poland.

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