Allow Six To Eight Weeks For Delivery
By Gary Adams
I was about 25 and hitchhiking out of Yakima, Washington. The farmer who picked me up in his Chevy truck was driving all the way to L.A. I was grateful for the long ride, doubly so when he handed me a beer. About four beers down the road he told me he was going to L.A. to pick up a woman from Thailand who he had ordered through a classified ad.
“So what does a woman cost these days?” I had meant to sound sarcastic, but I sounded like a horny drunk. The farmer had paid about $4,000.
Ten years later, I was playing blackjack in a casino outside Salem, Oregon, and a longhair about my age sat next to me and struck up a conversation. He told me he had just sent off for a Russian woman.
Until recently, he explained, you could only order an Asian, African, or Latin American woman, but, now, Russian and Eastern Europeans were available as mail order brides. He told me he needed a blond to get it up. He offered to show me a catalog.
I felt a pull in my groin: Sex as easy as McDonalds takeout; a pliant wife cheaper than a new car.
I got up from the table muttering, “You can’t buy a woman. Its wrong, you asshole.” I walked away.
I knew I had lied--you can buy a woman here, in the U.S., in the year 2005. I wasn’t sure if I felt so bad for being rude to the guy or for listening. He probably didn’t even hear me call him an asshole.
I wonder what down payment and what credit cards they take, when you buy a wife.
Gary Adams is a 45-year-old self-employed landscaper who has been published in Fireweed, Letterbomb, Poetry Motel, Illya’s Honey, Curbside Review, Carriage House Review, Full Circle Journal, Square Lake, Into The Teeth of the Wind, Gin Bender, Roguescholas.com and Sunspinner. He dropped out of Columbia University after three years and, steeped in the Ginsberg-Kerouac legend, hit the road for Europe, Jackson Hole, San Francisco, a commune in the Ozarks, and his current home Eugene, Oregon. He is active in the local literary guild and goes hiking in the woods with his dogs at least once a week year round.
Gary's short work The Whitebark Pine also is available in VerbSap.
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